Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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