Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
