Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
