We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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