then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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