What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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