Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
