I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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