i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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