we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
