All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
