I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
