how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
