I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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