I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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