dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
