According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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