i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
