I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
