Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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