So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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