it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
