just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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