It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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