does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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