Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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