It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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