I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
operation harelip BJ is a go
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
