I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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