the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
