Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
