I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
