so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
