I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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