You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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