it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
