I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
