Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
