dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
