wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
