I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
