C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
