Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Can I color on your dick again?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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