Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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