i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
