The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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