dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
