He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
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Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
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You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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