I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
