He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
