Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
