girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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