We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
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I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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