Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
