im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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