Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
