My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize