someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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