I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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