Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
