I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
