after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
third nipple confirmed
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
