I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
