Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i dont even know how to be here
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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