i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
