wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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