There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There's always time for handjobs
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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