two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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