i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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