I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
