I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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