You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
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I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
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In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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