R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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