are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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