Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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