You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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