pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
