May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
