I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
