who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
