There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
